As a brand-spankin’-new resident of the Volunteer State, I’ll be voting a week from today. Unfortunately, my horse may have dropped dead on the track before I get a chance to place my bet: Giuliani’s gonna loose Florida. After spending a month down there, too. What a mess.

Since reaching the age of majority, I’ve voted for President of the United States twice: both times for George W. Bush, both times largely because there was no social liberal / fiscal conservative combo with a rip-out-their-gizzards-then-wrap-them-in-pigskin-and-spit-on-their-graves foreign policy on the ballot. I was looking forward to being genuinely excited about a Presidential candidate, but I’ve abandoned that little fantasy for now.

I won’t vote for Huckabee.

Oh, I considered it briefly, thinking that any judgments I might make about his theocratic leanings would be presumptuous (I scoured the Internet looking for something truly horrifying, but was pleasantly surprised by my inability to find anything which necessitated a change of underwear). Since his little “let’s change the Constitution to conform to God’s law” (the same one, I can only assume, which requires parents to execute their rebellious children) gaffe, I’ve changed my mind (that is, I haven’t specifically heard the Huckster cite Old Testament law in one of his sermons, but I think it’s a pretty safe assumption that he has). I’ve been reading Raymond Ibrahim’s Al Qaeda Reader over the past couple of weeks, and can honestly say that this is essentially the same domestic policy platform advocated by Osama bin Laden, only using a slightly different version of what is essentially the same ancient text.

And yes, I understand the context of The Huckster’s comments: he was talking about abortion. What’s important is not his (“pro-life”) position – although I’m against that, too – but rather the way he chose to make his point. If he really believes that the Constitution needs to be rewritten to include (his interpretation of) input from the Almighty, he doesn’t believe in a rationally defined, secular legal system. This places him firmly in the category of what we psychologists call “nuts.”

(And while I’m at it, does it not seem antithetical to the entire New Testament message – focused on free will and individual agency as essential tools of personal salvation and all – to suggest that coercion should be used to enforce God’s will? I’m just saying…)

So the Huckster is out. Yes, I will vote for a Democrat before I vote for him. Yes, even Hillary. He’ll loose, too, because I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Fortunately, however, according to my father (a retired public affairs consultant and veteran of many an election), I won’t have to. Dad’s projections for Super Tuesday:

So we’re looking at – and this is my prediction – a Clinton/Obama ticket (seems rather obvious to me, regardless of how much they may seem to hate each other now) pitted against McCain and whoever he can sucker in as his Veep.

Giuliani, perhaps? I’d like to think so, but I doubt it. He’ll need to pull the evangelicals in, which will make room for the Huckster. I’ll vote for that combo, but should it win, I’ll also say a little prayer every night not just for the President, but for his Secret Service agents as well.